Sarah’s Cancer (Stage 4 Bowel Cancer)
I am a medical healthcare professional, a Paramedic. So, you’d think I’d be better at this sort of thing (being told you’ve got cancer and navigating the various care pathways) but I can tell you here that it was not the case.
When the consultant surgeon read out the findings of my MRI scan on the 5th December 2024 I heard the first two sentences, including the word Cancer and thereafter it was white noise. “I’m so sorry” she said, “I’m so very sorry”. The cancer was advanced with no obvious origin, invading more than one organ, including the bowel and the cervix, more than one tissue, the pelvic wall and floor. I’m afraid to say that I shut down. I stopped receiving information. My head went into the sand.
“I’ll be the sort of person that is not interested in details.”, I told myself, “I’ll only be interested in the plan, in what happens next.”
But that was the problem – there was no plan yet. The cancer being of unknown origin bounced between specialities in what ended up being 5 months of uncertainty, indecision and delay.
At some point a friend encouraged me to approach Star Throwers.
I’ll never forget the first day I walked into their place on Melton Road. I was late due to traffic. I was stressed. I’d nearly turned around and gone home at one point. Afterall, what can a charity do?
The atmosphere was the first thing that I noticed; open, welcoming, warm, all encompassing, like receiving a huge hug. I met with Nurse Practitioner Tina Hales, face-to-face. This was the next impression that Star Throwers made. I could count on my hands how many times I’ve met with NHS clinicians face-to-face (not many). I could feel myself relaxing.
I shared my medical story with Tina as much as I could; a personal account, my MRI, CT, blood tests, and anything else available from my GP App. I told her that I didn’t want to discuss details (it terrified me). I remember that she said something along these lines “Well, that’s OK, I can be whatever you need me to be to get you through this, but I really do think there’s a lot to be gained from getting involved in what’s going on with you and your diagnosis, to start to feel like you are getting back some control”
Control? Is that possible?
Yes, it is. Tina helped me decipher paperwork and interrogate the processes I’d been through and was facing. She encouraged me to get involved. I started fighting back, pushing, questioning, challenging and this is ME. As a clinician I fight like a bear for my patients. I always put them first and make sure the establishments or individual who I refer them to do so too. But I think I am so used to looking after other people that I had forgotten how to look after myself. I put my head in the sand. Don’t do this. Don’t give up. After that first day at Star Throwers my cancer story took on a new direction. Thanks to Tina, thanks to the wide programme of treatments and social activities, for the first time I started to feel control and I had found a place where I felt safe.
Investigations progressed and I eventually found myself with the right consultant for my cancer. A treatment plan ensued which I have been able to influence and tailor to my needs. I am in control and I do feel safe, knowing that whatever happens next I will have Star Throwers behind me, supporting me, all the way.
Accepting that you have cancer does not happen overnight and for me, the full implications of having this disease took a while to sink in. Throughout his life, I have been telling my son we would climb Mount Snowden. For one reason or another our plan failed. Last time, it was poor weather. After I was diagnosed it occurred to me that now my excuse would be that I was not physically capable of climbing Mount Snowdon. I did not have the strength to climb it.
Since then, I have been climbing other types of mountains – metaphorical ones. I am currently recovering from a radical course of chemotherapy and concomitant radiotherapy. I have lost a lot of weight and I have muscle wasting. I walk every day, just that little bit further. I do yoga every day, just that little bit longer. Initially, when the prognosis was poor, I never thought I would be given the chance to climb with Jonathan, my son. But here I am. And I have a chance! When I stand at the bottom of that mountain looking up I will do so only if I am ready, if I am capable of climbing it. And then I will know I have won. Wymondham Star Throwers helped me stand up to cancer, helped me fight back with my brain and my body, without them I would have been lost. I want other people to benefit from what they gave me. I want them to thrive as do I. In reality, I know I will be in debt to Star Throwers for the rest of my happy life but I’m going to start with this simple fundraising exercise! And to invite people to join me on the climb either through donations or literally! Come join me and help celebrate life with this amazing charity, Star Throwers.
>> DONATE TO SARAH’S FUNDRAISING PAGE HERE<<